That special person, the one who not only always has your back, but also walks alongside you, laughs with you, encourages you, holds your heart as a great and wonder-full treasure; has taken vows to continue to honor you and respect you for life.

Yes, that one, close your eyes and picture him or her. Let your mind flutter through the many superb memories, one to the next and next. Listen to your heart. What is it saying? What feelings fill you up? At some point, during this exercise you’ll come to a screeching halt. There are also times you and your spouse have said terrible things to one another.

All married couples disagree from time to time, this is normal and healthy. However, some couples are cruel to one another regularly. Some couples turn disagreements into personal attacks. This is not normal and it is not healthy. Sometimes couples are more like roommates, this is not normal and it is not healthy. Sometimes one spouse makes all the decisions, sets the rules, controls the money and assumes the responsibility to punish any perceived transgressions. This is not normal and it is not healthy.

If you want to get the most our of your relationship, if you want a healthier relationship that you can count on, if you want to feel loved and make your spouse feel loved … a good way to start is by rebuilding your love maps. John Gottman, PhD and his wife have carefully studied relationships and how to heal relationships for over 40 years. The Gottman Relationship Counseling process is proven both scientifically and with many couples. Gottman trained therapists are in demand and people will pay hundreds per session.

Our Pastoral Counselor is a Gottman trained therapist. Dr. Feeser has completed her Gottman Couples Therapy training and utilizes this process with our couples. However, because of the economic strains on our community, Living Springs Counseling charges between $30 and $70 per session on a sliding scale. Call us 305.451.9554 to discuss possibilities and make appointments.

Here are some typical Love Map questions:

Who are your partner’s best friends? What things is your partner most worried about right now? What does your partner dream about accomplishing? Describe your partner’s worldview.

There are many fun ways to build your love maps. Contact us to find out more. You and your spouse deserve to love and be loved in healthy ways. We look forward to hearing from you.

Advent Season, Hannukah, Christmas Eve, Christmas Day, 12 Days of Christmas, St. Stephan’s Day

December is rich with meaning and it’s spelled LOVE. This isn’t the warm, mushy,squishy, wishy washy love. The love that God actually gave to you and me must have much greater substance than that. Give any one of us a bad day and we can do serious damage to the mushy squishy love. The love God gave, gives and will continue to give to us can and has withstood the tests of evil, death, nastiness, hate, loss, grief, anger, threat, indifference, life, chaos, and so much more, imaginable and unimaginable.

So, what does this love look like? Where have we witnessed it? When have we shared it with others?

God’s love, agape, works to overturn the injustices we tend to normalize.

• Asking why doesn’t he stop abusing her (rather than why doesn’t she leave) AND then getting the answer and working to force him and others like him to stop.
• Running a food bank and setting it up to respect the people who use it.
• Creating a community where there truly is housing that people of all income levels can afford.

These are not easy things to do. Most of us can’t even agree on what’s appropriate. Agape love is messy, it’s risky and has cost. Agape does, agape gets up, rolls up it’s sleeves and gets to work for the good of all. Agape love respects each person as one of God’s very own beloved. Agape love understands each person as one of inherent worth and continues regardless of any resistance. Agape is also something that we participate in as God’s very own beloved. If we truly believe in God and have a living relationship with God then we are continually called or urged by God to live out this life giving love.

I’ve seen this love when a couple adopted a teenage girl, almost ready to age out of the system. They did this for her benefit and yes, they loved her with familial love too.

After Irma, many families have been homeless. There was a lady who reached out to another lady and her little girl who were living in their car because their home was gone. The three of them are now living together until the woman and her daughter can get back on their feet.

What examples of agape have you seen?

Did you know October is “Domestic Violence Awareness Month”?

Who wants to increase their awareness of something so awful? Most people prefer not to even think about it … that is, until someone they love is touched by it. Did you know that no matter what your role in the community, you can make a difference with just a few simple adjustments.

With the Kavanaugh case hot on our minds, this is a good time to refresh ourselves on how we believe we should treat other people.

Most Christians will agree that we should treat other people as children of God always. However, wouldn’t it be nice if it were just that easy? While our intentions may be good, our choice of words or actions may not be as good as we think. It’s not always easy to try to hear ourselves as the person to whom we’re speaking hears us.

For instance: Never say, “the first time he’d hit me I’d be out of there.” You haven’t experienced what your friend has. By the time the abuser gets their victim to the hitting phase, they’ve conditioned their victim to accept it. I know how unbelievable this sounds, but abusers are very good at what they do.  Their victims can be doctors, lawyers, teachers, professionals, blue collar workers, homemakers, rich or poor they do not discriminate.

Here’s a few things you can do now to help:

Anyone:

• Simply don’t laugh at jokes about abuse in the family. When with friends and someone says : You better get home before your wife beats you with a frying pan.
• Always tell other women and especially girls that they deserve to be treated with respect.
• Complement teen age girls for the good they do and positive things about their behavior. Not just your children, but anyone’s children. Who’s going to complain when you’re complementing their child.
• Discourage gossip.
• Support your local Abuse Shelter. You could donate money, clothing, time, or even in kind services.

In the Church:

• Clergy use sermon illustrations with women as the hero’s instead of victims.
• Don’t treat the children as children.  Treat them as members of God’s family with something to say.
• Teach about the women in the Bible and their amazing strengths.
• Teach about important women of our day whose faith has made a difference.
• Post the various wheels everywhere and talk about them.
• Invite the local Abuse Shelter or Victim Advocates to come speak.
• Study scripture to see how Jesus treated women vs how the culture of Biblical times treated women.
• Celebrate the contributions of the women in your congregation.
• Children’s programs: ie from SAMHSA

What to do when talking with someone who is in an abusive situation:

• DO NOT JUDGE
• Get person into safety FIRST!
• Listen (active listening)
• Establish a trust relationship
• Tell her she doesn’t deserve to be treated that way.
• Compliment person
• Be aware of the negative messages she may have received from her church
• Do not rush victim into forgiveness
• Do not ask why she stays
• Affirm her worth

Employers can:

• Be aware that if an employee is receiving lots of calls from spouse or gifts delivered to work from spouse they might be in a situation of abuse. Before assuming otherwise, be sure to make yourself familiar with what is going on with your employees. An open door policy is very helpful in these cases. The employee is not going to share with you if they are afraid of losing their job or a reprimand from you.
• At staff meetings, let your employees know that you will stand with any employee who is in an abusive relationship. Invite them to share this information with you so you can be helpful to them.
• Have the phone number of the local abuse shelter (DAS in the Keys) on hand. If one of your employees is being stalked move them to a position where they do not have to answer the front phone or sit in the lobby or close to it.
• Treat any visiting abusive spouse the same way you would anyone disrupting your office. Do not let them have access to your employee. Establish a protocol ahead of time.

When victims feel that their community has their backs, they will be more empowered to better their lives.

¹¹ For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”  Jeremiah 29:11

That sweet tooth is calling. If we’re going to live in paradise we might as well enjoy ourselves too.

Imagine ….                                       Cookies

Chocolate cake

Fudge

Cheesecake

Caramel Pecan Rolls                                                   All kinds of Breads!

all of it HOMEMADE!

and to top it off…

This will SUPPORT local CHARITY!

ONLY $10 

and you can sample almost everything

Prior to the auction, you can also purchase whole cakes/ pies/ breads to take with you.

Additionally, CODA PIRATE will be auctioning 

Delectable Homemade Specialties.

Saturday, August 11

1-3 PM

Location  MM 93 Oceanside 

(Burton Memorial UMC)

Desserts Desserts Desserts!

$10 ticket to sample everything! Even if you are unable to attend, purchase a ticket to donate so someone else can enjoy the fun. Profits will be used to match grants.

$10.00

Tickets also available at:

Shear Paradise

or Call 305.942.4226

Thank you to our Sponsors:

CenterState Bank

Key Largo Auto Repair

Winn-Dixie

Immigration has been a difficult issue since humanity began. The Bible addresses immigration from numerous points of concern as early as Genesis. Even though most agree that the book of Job is the oldest book of the Bible, Genesis actually addresses the creation stories. Claims to land and/or people, culture is the point of contention in many of our Biblical stories as well as issues of today. My point being, we humans have had issues about “us” vs “them”, “ours” and “not yours” as far back as we know. And YES, we, the United States must fix our horribly flawed immigration system. However, none of that is the issue when we are talking about “Keeping Families Together”.

Let us not confuse the real issue with finger pointing, name calling, political rhetoric, or any other pet issue. What we are really talking about is way too important to diffuse our focus.  We are talking about the unnecessary removal of immigrant children from their caretakers/parents when arriving at the US border.” Are the US immigration laws/system in terrible disarray? Absolutely, but one thing we know is that unnecessarily separating children from their parents at the border is inexcusable regardless if the families are presented as legally trying to cross the border or illegally. Children are innocents and must always be protected.

“It may be true that morality can’t be legislated, but behavior can be regulated. It may be that the law cannot make a man love me, but it can restrain him from lynching me, and I think that’s pretty important also,” The Rev. Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. said in a 1966 speech at Southern Methodist University.

We can and must work together to protect children. Stripping children from their families is a terribly traumatic experience that will affect each child for life. And this is the country they are running to for safety, betterment, hope; that is doing this to them. God calls us Christians to :

37 Love the Lord your God with all your heart, soul, and mind. 38 This is the first and most important commandment. 39 The second most important commandment is like this one. And it is, “Love others as much as you love yourself.” 40 All the Law of Moses and the Books of the Prophets+ are based on these two commandments.  (Matthew 22)

If we Christians truly look to God’s Word to guide our behaviors, let’s look at what the Bible says:

Exodus 22:21 – Moses gives God’s law: “You shall not wrong or oppress a resident alien; for you were aliens in the land of Egypt.”

Leviticus 19:33-34 and 24:22 – When the alien resides with you in your land, you shall not oppress the alien. The alien who resides with you shall be to you as the citizen among you; you shall love the alien as yourself, for you were aliens in the land of Egypt: I am the Lord your God.”

Deuteronomy 10:18-19 – “For the Lord your God…loves the strangers, providing them food and clothing. You shall also love the stranger, for you were strangers in the land of Egypt.”

Ecclesiastes 4:1 – “Look, the tears of the oppressed—with no one to comfort them.”

Jeremiah 7:5-7 – “If you do not oppress the alien…then I will dwell with you in this place…”

Jeremiah 22:3-5 – Do no wrong or violence to the alien.

Zechariah 7:8-10 – Do no oppress the alien.

Matthew 25:31-46 – “…I was a stranger and you welcomed me.”

Luke 4:16-21 – “…Bring good news to the poor…release to the captives…sight to the blind…let the oppressed go free.”

Romans 12:13 – “Mark of the true Christian: “…Extend hospitality to strangers…”

II Corinthians 8:13-15 – “It is a question of a fair balance between your present abundance and their need…”

Ephesians 2:11-22 – “So then you are no longer strangers and aliens, but you are citizens with the saints and also members of the household of God.”

Hebrews 11 – “By faith Abraham…set out for a place…not knowing where he was going.”

Hebrews 13:1-2 – “…show hospitality to strangers, for by doing that some have entertained angels…

I don’t know about you, but as for me and my household, we will love faithfully, live peacefully, give generously, forgive gracefully, play joyfully, pray daily, and serve the Lord in all things.